We will see....

"What can I get you?"  the bartender handed me a wine list and I made myself comfortable in my seat.  It was early and the bar had a few open seats still so I grabbed one and threw my jacket and purse on the empty one next to me.  "Just a glass of chardonnay please."  I scanned the room, making sure that I would be visible from the door and pulled out my journal.  My pen began the normal script "waiting for a date, his name is Jim.  Seems like a nice guy...we will see."

"We will see"

That phrase has hung off my tongue so many times I feel like it should be on my business cards under my name written in italics.  I sat up in my seat pulling at the sides of my shirt so to not appear frumpy.  I had packed extra clothes with me and changed in my office, touched up my make up and fixed my hair.  I was ready.

But what was I ready for?  To meet YET another guy where I would go through my personal biography like bullet points in an interview.  Asking him questions, waiting the appropriate amount of time to ask the next.  Trying to find the line between figuring out if he is the guy for me or if he would make a great addition to the front desk team at the hotel.  And then he walked in, looking exactly like his photo.  I turned in my seat and smiled..."YOU KNOW WEHRE THE BATHROOM IS?"  He shouted as if we were at a concert and the look on my face had to be that of someone that has just been told they owed 1,250.00 for their cat's hip fracture at the vet.  "uhm...Hi!"  I said, turning my head to look at him with a pause.  "Are you Jim?"  "YEAH"  he said, still yelling "DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS?"  I pushed my lips together and pointed toward the end of the hall.  He walked away from me and I checked the time 7:13....

He made his way back from the bathroom and sat down next to me.  I studied his face, his teeth a little crooked but he was cute.  He wouldn't look at me straight on and glared at me out of the side of his right eye like you would someone that you didn't trust.  I grabbed the wine menu "do you know what you want to drink?  I know you said you weren't much of a drinker."  He looked at it and extended his arms and squinted at the menu.  I held back a laugh "do you need glasses?"

"I DON'T NEED GLASSES, I HAVE A CATARACT "  I glanced around the room to see if there was a band setting up in the back or if there was some reason he felt he needed to raise his voice with me. "JUST GET ME SOMETHING CHEAP AND RED."

I motioned for the bartender and ordered him a great 1954 bottle of "le cheapo rojo" and then turned my chair to face him.  Our conversation in the beginning was me looking at him, and him glaring at me from the corner of his right eye.  I listened to him talk about how he liked motorcycles but only had parts of them, he did not own an entire motorcycle.  I asked him if he sat on his couch with just the handlebars and pretended to drive complete with the vroom vroom noises.  He did not flinch at my question.  I looked at the clock.   7:16.

"do you guys want anything to eat?"  The bartender and only person speaking correct english besides me, at this point, walked over to us and said in a sing songy voice.   "Well, I ate lunch pretty late so I am not very hungry"  Sideways Jim looked at me straight on for the first time that night and said "PUNK!!  WHY DID YOU EAT?"  I glanced over at the bartender who was oblivious to my plea for help via me batting my eyelashes in morse code...Get me out of this!!  "Well, are you hungry?"  I asked Jim..."UHM YEAH, I'M STARVING."  The extended hands returned and he attempted to read the menu with one eye closed.  I rested my mouth on my hand to contain my whimpering.  "They have some really great (and hopefully quick) appetizers here.  The stuffed peppers are really nice..." "DO YOU HAVE CHICKEN FINGERS AND MACARONI AND CHEESE?" He interjected.   The bartender, again just downright ignoring my NOW lack of blinking at all, said in the same sing songy voice "you bet."  Is that it for you guys? "   "Yes, that will be it."

 I smiled and glanced at my watch.  7:21.

Now, I talk with a LOT of people in my job and I can talk to anyone about anything, but the level of entertainment of this evening tops them all as the most irrelevant conversation I have EVER had.  We talked about my son, of course, then talked about his motorcycle parts and how he really did not date much (you mean, got out much?)  At one point in the night I looked around to see where the cameras were set up as I am SURE I was getting punked right now.  My friends would pop out of the kitchen all laughing hysterically at how they "GOT ME" and I would look at Jim and say "I knew you couldn't be that dense of a human being."

But nobody came out of the kitchen.

And the night was just a joke.

I then decided that I needed to treat him like a client and ask him questions until the night was over.  It was now 7:39 and my 6 trips to the bathroom were getting a little redundant.  I just thought the bathroom was much more exciting then listening to captain chicken fingers talk about his love for motor oil.  "What do you do for fun on the weekends?"  I said, watching him shovel the 13.00 order of macaroni and cheese with truffle oil into his mouth in record time. "well I don't do much."  I waited for him to continue as he motioned to offer me the last chicken finger and I waived my hand away in denial.  "well you have to do SOMETHING."  I looked at him intently as he glared up at the ceiling searching for some type of statement that did not include the word uhm or uh.  "I like movies."  He smiled at me very sweetly and I said "ok, I like movies too.  Curling up on the couch, eating pop corn,...do you make popcorn?"  I was now switching my delivery in a tone like you would a 7 year old. If I were standing I would have my hands on my knees and bending over to talk with him.  "I do like popcorn...." he is now slapping his hand on his knee and snapping as if trying to figure out what to says "orville redenbacher, now that guy makes a good popcorn."

7:43

He then gets up and goes to the bathroom.  The bartender comes by and I grab him by the collar (ok not really but I wanted to)  "you get me the check and you get it now."  The bartender slowly backed up and printed the check.  Captain Chicken fingers returned from the bathroom and saw that my glass was empty.  "You want another drink?"  The bartender had a hand out to Jim and he looked at me as if to ask permission.  I mentioned that I could not have another glass because I had to drive.  Jim decided to have another glass and I began to survey the room for ways to hang myself.

Our conversation went on to talk about other things.  I asked him if he had kids and he scoffed "I don't want no fucking kids"  I closed my eyes for a minute and shook my head so to regain composure.  "oh...not a fan?"  I looked at the bartender again, ready to throw my wine glass at him wondering how I can explain to the judge that it was self defense against the worst date in the history of time.  The bartender places one hand on the register and looks at us "should I put this on one bill or split it?"  Captain Chicken fingers looks at me and grits his teeth together and sucks in air waiting for me to answer. "you can go ahead and split it."  He releases the air and looks at me for the first time all night.  "THANK YOU"

Sure thing.
8:02

"Well, I have to go, I need to work in the morning."  I said, and Jim stands up with me and walks over to the door.  I have just spend 32.00 on chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese that should be served by Gordon Ramsey on the food network and I want to run out the door.  "I will walk you to your car."  He says...I grimace at the idea of having to be with him any longer and agree to let him walk with me the one short block to my hotel.  "So, who else are you dating, I mean , who is my competition?"   I face him head on and say quickly "oh I assure you, you have no competition."  And I spin quickly on my heels and walk away.

I stand inside the hotel for a moment and wait for the staff to start laughing.  "we got you Sarah!!  Hahahahah"  But none of them do anything.  They smile politely when I walk in, "hello Ms. Sarah."  But that is it.  There is no tv crew, no Ryan Seacrest or Ashton Kutcher to run out from behind the front desk to start high fiving each other....

But nobody came out of the back office.
And nobody was high fiving anyone.
Just me standing in the lobby looking puzzled and confused.

Sigh....
Are you shitting me?

I walked to my car, only able to shake my head back and forth at the mess of a date I had just been on.  "is this what I have to pick from?  I know girls that clear their throat and they have guys lined up with flowers and chicken noodle soup just to take care of them.  I get to date "do you think we can split that" guy.

8:15  The shortest date ever in the history of dating.

My dating life is much like that of a game of monopoly.  Do not pass go, do not collect 200.00.
I just live in a world of "we will see's " and hold tightly onto any optimism that I possibly can.  I expect nothing but hope for everything.

What's next for me?

We will see.