the grass is always greener..

Sitting at the pool, I look over at a family that has taken over the corner table.  The father has the baby on his lap and is bouncing the drooling bundle of joy on his knee.  The mother, with her perfect manicure and designer sunglasses is reaching into a cooler to hand her older chid a juice box.  The family is a picture of perfect bliss.  Their Land Rover parked near by complete with the organized container of sports equipment in the back.  Their laughter echo'd by the soft winds that blow their hair  and perfect skin.  The father looks at the mother and plants a kiss on her hand while he wipes away the one bead of sweat that has collected on her forehead.  They will walk away from their day at the pool holding hands and laughing like an ad for Walt Disney World Resort.

They are happy.
And I want to stick my foot out and trip Mommy Mc Perfect and hope she falls into the pool and ruins her perfect coif just because, dammit, I WANT THAT.

But the truth is, she is probably thinking that MY life is perfect.

(moving to her observation of me)

Look at that girl, sitting by the pool with her magazine.  She doesn't have a care in the world.  She probably gets to sleep until noon and sits and drinks coffee without two little hands constantly trying to shove their fists into her cup which, by the way, now has a cheerio floating in it. I bet she can make breakfast in the morning and eat it while it's hot!!  She doesn't have to answer to a husband who wants to know what is for dinner next Tuesday evening and definitely doesn't probably have 5 loads of laundry to do while her oldest children sit on the couch and stare at X box all day which you secretly love because it gives you at LEAST one less child that is asking for something.  Her life looks amazing, she can lie by the pool and relax and listen to music on her I phone that does not include some fat purple dinosaur talking about sharing.

She does not know anything about me, but her observations are just as untrue about me as mine are about her.

Either way you look at it, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

I was talking to my friend today about these observations, and she said something that rang so true to me.  "you need to get your imagination under control, and stop making up this life that you think people have.  Because it will drive you crazy."  I have never had anyone tell me that and it is so true.  

How many times do you look at someone and think "oh I wish that I had their life.  It must be nice being________"

Take this from someone who has the best of both worlds.  For four days a week, I am mom.  With all the crazy lunch making, baseball practice taking, game side cheering, homework helping, laundry doing stuff that mom's do.  I collapse into bed those nights and secretly look forward to my days as Single Sarah.  That moment RIGHT before my ex takes him is much like that before you leave for work the Friday before a holiday weekend.  You are secretly happy and want to jump up and down because YOU HAVE TIME FOR YOU.  You have time to sit back and watch a tv show from start to finish without having someone demand cheetos from you like a hostage standoff.  "give me the cheetos or I will spill this grape juice on the carpet."  You have time to paint your toenails and dry your hair without a little person coming in and rattling off questions like "where is Guam and can I eat pixie sticks for dinner?"  Yes these questions come together at my house.

Yet I sit here, and create that imaginary parent utopia that I feel everyone lives.  A life where you don't have to do it alone.  A life where you can get home with your son and say "honey, it smells amazing in here, thank you for cooking dinner."  A life where you have someone to call when you get off the plane and say "yep, I will see you soon, I love you too."  I have to call my parents just because I don't want to be the only one to not reach for my phone on the plane while corporate Ken sitting next to me calls his twinkie girlfriend and tells her that he should be waiting out front for her in about 15 minutes.

I am a dreamer, and I need to stop my crazy mind from painting all these pictures of what everyone's life is like.  I need to stop envisioning my ex husband and his new wife and their new life.  I need to stop imagining her with her feet up on the ottoman, hands clasped around her pregnant belly, laughing while my ex and my son throw their heads back in a giggling frenzy.  A roaring fire in the background and three stockings hung by the fireplace.  The camera pans out through the frosted window and you can almost smell the apple pie cooling on the counter.  

The next shot is of my table at Christmas time, place setting for one.

Wow, you are so dramatic Sarah, that is NOT how their life is.

But I assure you, that is exactly how mine was.

I will make myself a promise.  To stop letting the "perfection" dreams cloud my thoughts.  I will promise that when these Norman Rockwell moments pop into my head, that I will stop them like a director of a movie would.  "Ok CUT....this is not the way it is PEOPLE."  I can even carry one of those little black and white boards with me to make it more legit.  "Sarah's crazy perceptions, take 532."

Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side.  You have felt it too, no matter if you are single, in a great relationship, or what.  You have looked at someone and thought..."must be nice."  When the reality is, nobody has it easier than anyone else and the word perfect is something that should be saved for romance novels and tacos after a night of drinking.