Dating has changed so much since the first time I did it.....I mean, back when I first started dating you would pass notes back and forth to each other. "Do you like me? Circle Yes or No" You would tell your friend who told another friend that told another person who overheard from this one guy that the other guy you have had a crush on for at LEAST 4 days might kinda sorta but not really sure wanna go out with you.
I remember walking to class and knowing those exact moment that I would see him. Since I was always tall, It was easy for me to pick him out of a crowd. He would come into view and my stomach would start doing butterflies..."hey" I would say, all cool and calm. I would flip my hair over my shoulder and possibly pop the collar on my coca cola rugby shirt. Glancing at my swatch watch I would say "what time is your next class?" He would shove a note on top of my trapper keeper, the blue ink bleeding through the college ruled notebook paper. My heart would be pumping so fast I would just know that he could hear it. "in five minutes." He would calmly say, running his fingers through his shaggy blond hair. "See ya".
I had a crush.
I could not wait to see him again.
I could not wait to talk to him again.
I could not wait to read his note.
I made my way to the library and opened the letter with shaking hands. "Dear Sarah, I think you are cute. Are you going to the basketball game Friday? I really hate school. Do you hate school? I think that this summer will be fun if I can get that new skateboard I want. I will see you later?"
I leaned back into my chair, sighing and reading the letter over and over again. I pulled out a new piece of notebook paper, pulled out my most favorite hot pink pen and began to write... the letter was carefully written as if it were my college thesis. I drew a couple of smiley faces and I think there was definitely some fun arrows or strange squiggly marks on the side. Then I folded it up like origami and wrote his name very carefully on the outside. I would give it to him after lunch because that is when I would see him next.
And that was it. That was how you talked to people back in the day when you started dating someone. You actually had to stand in front of them, within spitting distance actually, so you could hand them the note. You could actually smell the polo coming off of his Benetton shirt while he lifted his arm to hand it to you.
Not now.
Now...well, dating has changed a little bit.
See, most of you that are reading this blog are either married or in a relationship. You remember dating much how I explained it above. Of course it evolved when we got to college. You stood in a bar and met people and danced up against them bumping and grinding in a way that would make any parent want to yank you out of college and put you on the first train to the convent. But at least we were talking face to face. We met at bars, we met in class, we actually took notes on notebooks. Now, everyone has their faces attached to this little illuminating rectangle and we have stopped TALKING!!!
Now that I am Second Time Single, I have been able to enjoy both phases. Well, I use that word loosely,...enjoy. I don't enjoy the way that dating is this time around. Nobody every wants to actually speak to you. Nobody GOD FORBID wants to pick up the phone and call you.
It is all about the TEXT.
See, when you meet someone on these stupid dating sites, you look at their photos and read their profiles much like you would choose your lunch at a Chili's.
"ooh, what are you having, Sarah."
"I don't know Emily, I am kind of in the mood for tall dark and handsome but will probably just go with immature and co-dependent. Ooh maybe we could start off with sleeps on his parents couch?"
With one finger extended, we browse through the pictures and wait until someone catches our eye. "oh, I like this guy, he is tall, he is cute....."
"yeah, but he has five pictures of him in a bar, he is an alcoholic"
"wait, check this guy out. He is cute, and he looks funny."
" no, he does not look funny, he looks goofy and there is a big difference. NEXT"
Once you find a guy that you can actually see yourself with, you click on his profile (which I might add he can see that you have checked him out) and you leave him a nice message. Not too long because then you look like you are coo coo for coco puffs, but not too short because then you end up saying the following....
"hi, nice profile. Wanna chat?"
Wanna chat?
That is exactly what it means, that is the only thing it means. You will just chat. You cannot say "wanna talk" or "want to meet up for a drink?" Because it doesn't happen.
You send a message.
He (hopefully sends one back)
you then get to the point where either you or the other one offers their number. It is usually something cute and flirty like "hey, this messaging on this dating site sucks, here is my number if you want to chat for real. Shoot me a text"
So you give him your number.
And then he shoots you a text "Hey Sarah, it's ........" We will call him Rob for the point of this story.
"Hi Rob, nice to MEET you"
"yeah you too. Are you at work? "
"yep, I am, what do you do again?"
This can continue for hours.
HOURS.
And the entire time you are at work trying to answer emails, just staring at your phone because you are waiting for that next text to come through. And when it does you smile because you are happy and Rob could be the guy for you!! This is how it starts, you will text and text and text then one of you will say "Hey, let's talk sometime."
So you do.
You make it a point to not answer the phone on the first ring because who in the hell does that, and then you sit on your bed and twirl your hair and try your best not to ask him questions like he is in an interview for the CEO position at Apple. You pause, you laugh, but not too much, you don't want him to think you are a ditz. You choose your stories wisely (should I tell him I used to sleep in bunk beds for 6 months? I mean that IS pretty fricking funny, but to an outsider that is also kind of creepy. I will wait on that one.)
You sit and you analyze everything that comes out of your mouth, out of your head out of your heart, because you are really digging this guy!! And then the conversation ends. By you, of course, because you don't want to be the one to hear him say he has to go. You then say something that you will regret so much the next day...
"so shoot me a text and we can chat again."
And that is it.
That is all you need..those few little words to make you sit and stare at your phone for hours on end. You check it.
But only once every four seconds (I am not THAT desperate, c'mon)
And don't fool yourself, you have done it too.
You look at your phone, swipe the little unlock screen to push on the message button in case you missed it. "should I send him a text? Should I make the first move? What if he lost my number?" So you take your phone and put it in your purse. You go out to lunch and you walk away from the obsessive feeling that has come over you.
"Don't you dare text him first" your friends say. "you need to make him come to you" Meanwhile, he is sitting there doing the same thing so you are just left with two people molesting their phones for hours on end.
And then he texts you.
He asks you out.
You meet out.
You have never actually seen him.
There are no notes passed in the hallway.
You cannot smell his cologne
You merely meet him at a very well lit bar after telling your parents what you are wearing in the event they have to describe you to the cops after you go missing.
And he looks like his photo....sort of. Minus the yoga mat and hiking gear. But he is cute and you laugh and you hang out and he buys you drinks and you kiss and he says that stupid statement "so I will call you, K?"
"K"
I mean, we belong to a world where we are so abbreviated we cannot even use full words or statements. It dawns on me that I am dating according to a rule book written by teenagers and their LOL's and OMFG's.
So I am back to where I started.
And I wait for him to text me.
And wait.
And wait.
Now, I cannot remember if Rob ever texted me the next day and I don't care. The fact of the matter is that I just want to go back to that world where we were able to pick up the phone and talk. A time where my phone would ring and I wouldn't even know who it was and my heart could skip a beat when he would say "Sarah, it's. ______" But it isn't like that. Instead, I know who is calling me and more importantly I know who is NOT calling me.
Now that I am getting further into my years, I simply follow this simple rule.
I call when I want to call.
I text when I want to text.
I ask him out if I want to see him.
I know, I know, that is not what I should be doing and somewhere my friends are cringing and paging feverishly through their "rules of dating" book and saying "no, you are supposed to wait 14 hours for every three hours that you first texted him and only if the full moon has risen from the east.
I say bull shit.
I say I will call when I want to call when I want to hear his voice.
If he is not the right guy for me, then screw it. At least I failed trying.
