I am a mom.
I am a single woman.
We are like superman and Clark Kent.
We have never been seen in the same room together.
The idea of this blog came when I had just dropped Sam off at his dads, and returned to my empty apartment. I stood in the living room and started to pick up the little socks, shoes and toys scattered around the room. The coffee table has a half eaten pop tart still sitting on the wrapper. My son has laid out every Harry Potter book and movie I own like a Barnes and Noble display. Sippy cups are strewn around the living room. There is a "Wiggles" plate with a faint "blob" of ketchup still hanging on for dear life in the sink. I walk over to the stove and run water into the bowl that had macaroni and cheese in it, and decide whether or not to toss a piece of white paper with a big red scribble on it.
I make my way up the stairs and walk into his room. I throw his shoes into his closet and pull his sheets off the bed to wash. His bathroom has 5 dixie cups lined up on counter like shot glasses. There is toothpaste in the sink. There are enough toys in the bathtub to start a daycare. I find the other pop tart next to his bed. The impression from his little head still on the pillow.
After the house is cleaned up, I make my way over to the refrigerator. There is a six pack of bud light hiding behind the capri sun. I reach in and move the chocolate milk out of the way and bring the bottle to my side. With a sudden "pop" the top of the beer is off and the liquid fills my mouth and travels down my throat.
Like the moment in Superman where Clark Kent rips off his glasses and opens up his shirt to reveal the big "S"...I have begun my transformation to single Sarah.
The t.v. remote is put away. I do not watch it.
I make dinner and eat on plates that don't "bounce" if you drop them.
I drink out of cups that don't have Disney characters on them.
I eat cheese that does not come off in strips if you peel it.
I am Single Sarah.
The strange thing about this transformation is that I never forget who the other one is, it's just that I put her to rest for a bit. It has never been spoken of between me and her, but we have respect for each other's space.
I make my way back upstairs and get ready to take a shower. I take off my work out clothes and hide my sweatpants and crappy t-shirts. (she won't be needing those for a couple of days) I get into the shower and look at my razor as if we are old friends. My legs have gotten a break for three days, and now it is time to do some grooming. I even use (gasp) shaving cream. I apply the shaving cream and then get a glance at my toes. Single girls always have beautiful toes. We have to, especially in the summer. I vow to paint my toes after I get out of the shower.
The mom side of me barely does anything more than what is needed in the shower. I soap up, wash my hair and then get out. Single Sarah takes her time. She "applies" things instead of "schlepping" them on. She uses the "expensive" shampoo and conditioner. Mom side gets to use Suave. She doesn't really care since it is going into a pony tail anyway.
Single Sarah listens to music when she is getting ready. She dances in front of the mirror and puts on body spray. Mom Sarah watches the clock because she knows she is always running late. Single Sarah wears matching underwear and push up bras, mom Sarah wears sports bras and white underwear with shorts that are two sizes too big. Single Sarah applies eyeliner with care and wears mascara. Mom Sarah is lucky to brush her teeth in the morning.
The two parts of me are living in one body. They are very aware of each other's existence, but live in a world of harmony...both occupying the same body but one remains dormant as the other is put in the forefront.
It is in certain situations that Single Sarah gets pushed out of the way by mom Sarah. I am at a bar, and I am sitting with my date. He drops his napkin and I reach over and pick it up, silently laying it out on his lap. He has a smudge of sauce on his face and I fight Mom Sarah to lick my finger and wipe it off. Mom Sarah is much more persistent that Single Sarah. She tends to show her face quite often when Single Sarah is out and about. Crossing the street with my date, I place one hand in front of him so he won't cross the street in front of the car. I ask him if he is buckled up before we leave the house. I carry granola bars in my purse in case he gets hungry later.
Don't get me wrong, I love both sides of me. There is no reason the two cannot live in perfect harmony together. I just wish they could learn to respect each others space a bit more. Mom Sarah sits in her house on nights when she knows her guy is out having fun and like a little girl with her face pressed up against the glass of a toy store, she sighs and wishes she could live both lives at the same time.
I wonder if other parents feel this same way. Do they battle the two sides of their lives and wonder if they will ever meet that person that loves both sides equally. Or do they tend to only wear the shoes of one personality while the others sit in the corner of their subconscious closet and wait to be worn again.
I guess I just need to focus on being me. No matter how many sides there may be. Perhaps I can learn to be that mom that drives the mini van while in her tall hooker boots and push up bra....with a cheerio stuck to her butt.
