When I started this blog, it was all about my dating fiasco's. My plan was that I would go online, meet guys, date them, make fun of them, then write about then. People would laugh, cry and sympathize with what I was going through. My life was like watching an entire season of friends where you became familiar with characters and knew them by their nick names. I thought I would write in this blog for years to come and become a voice for those people surfing for love in their pj's. Never did I think it would all come to a screeching hault.
Last year, I had reached the part of my dating life where I considered myself a dating expert. I felt I could school people in the best places to meet guys, which ones had the least psycho men and where the best "first date places" were in Austin. One evening, I was "man shopping" and decided to go outside my preferred search. Dating is like house shopping, you can click whether or not you want the attached garage guy or the one bedroom studio man. I was tired of seeing all the same faces and wanted to see what else was out there. After about ten minutes of me going "God no, please no...not gonna happen...no,....hmm let me see (enlarge picture, man is hot, but says he does not like kids, tell him to fuck off) I came accross a picture of a guy that looked like he could have been Hugh Jackman. "Holy shit!!" Is all I said. I clicked on his profile and from line one I was laughing. He was cute, and he was FUNNY. But, I am sure he is short, ...wait a minute...he is 6'2"? My Lord they do exist!!!. I made it through the end of his profile and was laughing hysterically. He said that he was not looking for a girl who's biological clock was going off and that he liked to drink, smoke, and stay up late. "Hey, I stayed up till 10:30 last night, does that count?"
I thought about it for a minute then decide to email him. I mentioned that my biological clock was NOT going off and that I thought it was actually broken. I mentioned that I liked to drink and could "with the right amount of caffeine and red bull trucks, stay up late. I clicked "send" and prayed that he would write me back.
Two days went by and NOTHING.
Oh well, he is probably a dick. He probably is full of himself and was addicted to huffing paint or something.
The next day there was a message from him. I remember reading it and thinking to myself "why are you getting all excited, nothing is going to come of this." I had written about how I hoped he was not the kind of guy that hung out till 4am in the back alley of 7-11. He wrote me back and said there was no way that he would hang out in the back alley, he was more of the "side of the building" kind of guy. Right away I was intrigued and wanted to meet him, but I was already talking to another guy named Michael that I was curious about. I decided to keep talking to both of the Mikes and see which one I clicked with more.
One night in february, I was going to a white trash/80's party and found out that "Michael" (we have to keep these guys straight here, so stay with me) was friends with a friend of mine that was going to the party, so I figured what a great way to meet him for the first time. I went to the party dressed as a white trash version of myself and clutched my Natural light and ate cheese out of a can. First impressions are everything, I thought to myself, as I looked down at my blue toe nails and black leggings. If this guy has no sense of humor, screw him!!
I got to the party at 7pm, he was supposed to show up at 8 ish and we were going to meet for the first time. I looked at the door every time it opened as I knew what he looked like, but had never met him in person. By 10 pm, I was starting to get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I needed to go. I cannot explain it other than I just knew I had to get out of there. I believe in these things, and felt as if fate was telling me I am not supposed to meet this guy. So, I grabbed my stuff and in the usual Sarah fashion, ducked out the front door. As I was walking to my car, I saw "Michael" walking toward the house but he did not see me. I was pissed that he was over 3 hours late at never called me once. "He can go to a party on his own, screw him, I don't want to be with a guy like that." Later I found out that he stayed all night, got drunk and made out with some girl at the party. Good for him...
During that very party, I happened to be talking to one of my friends and told her about the two guys I was talking to at the time. One guy being "Michael" the other being "Mike". The seven 11 guy..the biological clock guy, the one that made me laugh every time he emailed me. We both oohed and aahed over his picture. "He may be a jerk" I told her, "but I could be wrong." By that time I was so tired of online dating and had about thrown the towel in. I was going to go on this last date with Mike and then deactivate my account. It was time to take a break from dating and take some "Sarah time".
The night I met Mike for the first time was a cool February night. I was excited but almost jaded at the dating thing. There was something very enduring about him when we spoke and he just seemed like a genuine person.
I walked into the bar and he sent me a message saying he was out on the back patio. I walked out and saw a man sitting at one of the picnic tables in a suit coat and button down shirt. His hair was short and he had this scruffy thing going on with his facial hair. He immediately took my breath away as I walked over to him. He stood up when I got to the table and he was a good two inches taller than me. I hugged him and felt a sense of familiarity about him. We sat and talked and talked. I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my purse and he looked at me and smiled, pulling his pack out of his pocket. He told me about a girl that he went out on a date with one time. When he lit a cigarette halfway through the night, he said he might as well had pulled his pants down and pooped on the table the way she looked at him.
The conversation that night was like that. Not once did he ask me to go back to his place, not once did he freak out and start yelling at me. He didn't have a tank top on and curse like a trucker, he wasn't married and looking for a mistress....he seemed real. But he also didn't seem that into me.
I figured that he was out on the date to meet me, and thought I was nice, but I really didn't think he liked me all that much. He did not have really good eye contact with me during the night and appeared to be looking everywhere but at me. I did not try and invest a lot of thought into this date because of the success I had had in the past. This guy was great but way out of my league and not that into me.
As soon as I said that to myself and I began to feel a bit more relaxed, something changed in him. He swung both legs around and faced me, almost as if he heard my thoughts. He laughed at what I said and actually listened to my crazy dating stories. He asked me questions and appeared to be -wait for it- interested in me. We spent the next hour exchanging dating horror stories and getting to know each other. That typical first date talk that you have did not exist with us. I felt like I knew Mike already and that we were able to talk about anything.
As the night went on, we grew restless and I suggested going to see some live music. He asked me if I would want to go with him and I said yes right away. We made our way to the bar and found it to be sold out. Bummer, where should we go? He pulled his I-phone out and started to look for a bar that he knew some friends were at, and started to find it on the map. It was at that moment that I looked at him while he studied his phone. God, he was so hot!!! But there was something much more endearing about him. He seemed like a genuine guy, and he was funny and smart!! I studied his features as he looked at his phone and stepped closer to him. It was at that moment he turned and kissed me, his body pressing against mine in the most romantic first kiss I can remember. Passerby's started to clap for us "Get her" they said as we started to laugh while our lips were still touching. I looked him in the eyes, even with heels on he still was a good two inches taller than me. We held hands and walked to the next bar, stealing kisses from one another when we could. I went to bed that night in a state of bliss. Hoping that this one would be the guy I could keep.
Mike and I did spend time together after that. We hung out quite a bit, actually, but there was one thing keeping us from completely getting to know each other. He had just gotten out of a very serious relationship and was keeping me at arms distance. He did not want anything serious and had no interest in getting to know my son. I thought about it a lot and figured that this could be a really chill guy to hang out with for a while and we could have some fun. I cut any expectations I had from the relationship and decided to take the "come as you are" approach. I completely dove into being single Sarah for a few days out of the week then mom the others. The nights that I had Sam, he would go back home and we would talk on the phone. I found it to be challenging, but I liked him and would take him for what he was. He was so honest and upfront with me about where he was at, at that time, what could I do? We would spend what time we could together and talk on the phone for hours when I put Sam to bed.
But after a while, it was getting tough. I wanted him to be a part of my life. My ENTIRE life. I never pressured him, and to this day that is what he said he liked about me.
It was not until month five that Mike met Sam. I needed to make sure that he was going to be in my life for a while before I introduced them. My ex was very quick about introducing Sam to whomever he was dating that month, it frustrated me. Sam would get attached very quickly to these girls and sometimes their kids, and he was confused as to why they would all of a sudden disappear out of thin air. I vowed to not make Sam a part of my dating game and decided early to keep those two things separate.
In the beginning, it was kind of scary for Sam to meet Mike. I felt like I was introducing him to my parents for the first time and prayed that my son would not tell him he was stupid or something like that. It was amazing though, I created very little hype in the moment and just let Mike show up to something that we were doing. I was very careful not to talk about Mike too much, but also not to just shove him into Sam's life without notice. Mike met Sam for the first time and shook his hand as if meeting the pope "Hi Sam, my name's Mike." There was no crouching on your knees and him saying "Hiya champ, HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY? DO YOU LIKE TRAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSS? " This is a behavior that most normally comes from people that do not have children. You cringe as they approach the door with a gift for your kid in their hand, in hopes of scoring points with the mom. Little do they know that their kid will hate it and tell them to their face that they hate it.
Mike was never like that. He talked to Sam like he was talking to an adult, and I think that made things easier from the beginning.
In the months that Mike and I have been dating, it has been a ride like no other. I have never felt the amount of confidence that I do in a relationship as I do with him. He has since softened his arms distance with me and we have spent hours and hours counseling each other through some pretty rough times. My back patio should have a couch where we can lie down on it and tell each other our thoughts. We joke that we both should be paid therapists for all the conversations we have had.
There are moments I have with him, where I look at him and am still in awe of the fact he is with me. He is a beautiful man, extremely intelligent and very witty. A perfect package if you ask me. He challenges me in a way that nobody else has. When he thinks I am wrong, he tells me, when he thinks he is wrong, he is the first to step forward. We fight, we laugh we joke around, but more than anything, we live!!!
When I was with my ex, my parents used to tell me that I was a fragment of who I used to be. I had spent so much of my time knocking down any bit of confidence I had and became a cardboard cutout of what Sarah used to be. There was little emotion behind me for a lot of years....Mike has brought the Sarah back...the Sarah that my parents and friends remember.
I just pray that Mike knows how much I love him. How I cannot imagine any of my tomorrows without him by my side.
