January 26th, 2011
It dawned on me that it may benefit someone out there, even if it just one person, to be able to experience what I have gone through in the past three years of being single after my divorce. Something I have affectionately called, "Second time single"
There are a lot of different forms of single.
the "I am so glad I dumped him before I married him" single
the "I cannot believe he cheated on me now I am going to feel sorry for myself" single
the "how could he not call me after I had sex with him on the first date "single.
The list goes on and on. But the single I am referring to is the one you feel AFTER you have been divorced, after you have had your fill of support groups and self help books. It is the single that you have to reinvent, the reinvention of you.
Being second time single is tough. You cannot be the same single girl you were before you were married. ESPECIALLY if you have kids, or in my case, a kid. Sam. He is five years old and acting as my agent now. He thinks that every guy I talk to should be my boyfriend, and he is my biggest fan. I could never imagine anyone being amazing enough for me to introduce them to him....
...but I am getting ahead of myself.
The reason I wanted to write this blog is because so many of my friends have enjoyed my stories of dating and the encounters I have had in the past few years, that I thought others could enjoy it too. By no means am I a therapist. I don't have any words of encouragement for anyone, but I do have stories that will hopefully make you laugh, some will make you cringe, but most will make you go "oh my gosh, I cannot believe that happened".
I assure you, they all did.
I have been divorced for three years. In those three years, I have learned so much about what type of person I am and what I am looking for. It was not always like that. For the first few months after I felt like I was really really ready to date again...I should have cut the internet cord right then and there because it would have saved me from some heartache. But, then again, I would not have all these fantastic stories to share about my "second time single" lifestyle.
My life is a pretty good life. I am a single mom, like I mentioned before. I have joint custody of my five year old with his dad who lives in the same city as me. His dad takes Sam half the week and I take him the other half. We have made this awesome agreement where I get him part of the week and friday nights, and then am on my own Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights. That means...I get to live the dream. For three nights out of the week, someone I trust, someone that loves my son, comes by and collects him and does not return him for three days. How many mothers would LOVE to be in my situation? I truly am lucky and have taken advantage of my Saturday nights to (what else would you think?) date.
Dating is so different when you have a kid. I think about in the beginning how I used to think that having a child was something you had to hide. Now, it is one of the first things I tell people when I meet them. Not that I have to, if you were to look at me really close, you can tell I am a mom.
I have three matchbox cars on me at all times
Every single picture in my phone is of my son
I have enough food in my purse to feed my child and three of his friends on a ten hour road trip
if you took off my shoe, I have a transformer bandaid on my big toe
Most people have inspirational posters, I have a watercolor picture of what appears to be a blue stump with an ice pick sticking out of the head with the words "mom" written accross it. It is the most beautiful thing I own.
How am I supposed to take all this "mommy-ness" and turn it into a sexy, desireable, dateable and delightful profile? How can I pull off "cute" but confident? How do I become this sexual vixen in bed when I cannot remember the last time I stayed up past 9:30?
I was determined to find the balance between being a single mom and being a single woman. The road is a little more paved than it was before, but it is far from being a path to what I want my life to be.
So, with that, I invite you to follow me on my quest for becoming "second time single".
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