Orange Chicken
Fried Rice
Grilled chicken
Beef with Broccoli
Steamed Veggies
egg rolls
He clutched the white plate in his hand looking at all the options on the buffet. An endless variety of foods that left his mouth watering. So many different varieties of foods, each one with a spot on his plate. He reached out a hand and grasped the silver spoon and poured a little of each onto his plate. Each one with it's perfect spot until his platter looked like an artist's palate. The mountain of food overflowing, his hand balancing the plate carefully as not to spill. His buddy walked over to him and looked at him with a puzzled look. "Dude, don't fill up on all of this stuff, there is another side over there that has BBQ and then Italian food. You need to leave some room!!" He patted his stomach with one hand while the platter sat in his other hand with just two egg rolls rolling around like straws on a table on a windy day. His buddy looked over at the other two buffets, then down at his own creation and immediately wanted to see what else was out there. He stood on his tippie toes and caught a quick glimpse. Spaghetti, Lasagna, BBQ ribs...there were so many options. He made his way over to the table, grabbed a fork and grudgingly dipped into his fried rice. With thoughts of the garlic breadsticks and cheesy manicotti he raced through a few bites of his plate and then waved to the server to take his plate away. "are you done here sir?" the waiter questioned while looking at his practically full plate "yes I am, I don't want this anymore." And he made his way over to the other buffet, where there was promise of something better....more interesting....more full filing.
This is how I describe online dating to people that just don't get it. Its like a buffet. People get all excited about what they see, but when they sit down to it and REALLY get into the heat of it, they can't help but wonder what else is out there. If this particular item does not fulfill every last need I have in my dating needs I will just get someone to bring me a new plate. Because there is always something new out there.
I have a lot of friends that do online dating, and the biggest complaint they have, and that I have, is that nobody makes it past the first date. If you go out on a date and there aren't fireworks shooting out of her ass or if she doesn't have a magical vagina that blows you strawberry kisses, then he will just move on to the next one. I remember back in the day you used to fall for someone after you got to know them. After you got to spend time with them you would look at them a different way. Almost like the way a dog looks at you when you say the word "park" or "walk", you just see them in a different way and you find out that you have things in common and that you really are starting to fall for this person. Now, you feel like a contestant on American Idol where you have only a few minutes to just blow the judges away!! You wear your best outfit, spend hours on your hair and make up and hope to GOD that this one sticks!! You walk into the first date clutching onto any hope you have that possibly this one might be the one. You have amazing conversation, laugh at each others jokes, get the butterflies when he touches your leg by accident, and you envision him meeting your parents. He walks you to your car, kisses you in the parking lot, brushes your hair away from your face, tells you how beautiful you are and that he had an amazing time, then he hugs you and you go home with the biggest smile on your face. You go home and text your best friend and tell her how great it went and you think about how he will make you coffee in the mornings and you both will pick out a yellow lab puppy and walk arm and arm in the middle of summer while you fall in love.
Then the next day comes.
And the next.
And you stare at your phone wondering why he isn't texting.
You text your friend "he hasn't texted me"
You text him.
He doesn't text back.
you sit on your bed and wonder if he may be lying in a ditch somewhere or in a hospital because a near death experience is the ONLY thing that could have possibly kept you from your new love!!
But he is not in a hospital.
He is not on his death bed.
He has already waved down the waiter and has moved on to the next buffet.
While you were perusing Pinterest for your engagement photo idea, he was licking his fingers from the 1/2 rack of ribs he just demolished.
you are old news.
I don't get it. I don't understand why if it isn't this magical amazing fantastic gut wrenching connection on the first date that you get discarded like an empty soda can. Not a second thought, he is moving on. No more "well I really started to like him on the fifth date" no more "he really grew one me" It's a one time "give it all you got there are tons more where you came from" mentality.
Yes, in the age of online dating, there are just too many options. If you don't have all he is looking for, you will not make the cut. The thought that there is something better, more exciting, hotter, sexier, thinner, fatter, curvier, funnier, this all entices people to keep shopping....
There is no need to try and get to know anyone anymore. If they don't sweep you off your feet in the first five seconds, if you don't send the guy into a standing ovation sports moment that makes you want to fist pump your buddies and high five your brother....you better get ready to move on.
Even after he is done eating. Leaning back in his chair, wiping the bbq sauce from his face with the back of his hand, he pats his stomach and thinks "I cannot eat another bite" he leans back in his chair and thinks "I am completely satisfied!! I don't need anything else in my life" He is able to catch the score of the ball game from where he is sitting, then he catches a glimpse of the dessert table and his mind goes "well, well, well, what do we have here?" All of a sudden the feeling of content is moved aside and is replaced with his desire to check out what else is available. With one hand he motions the waiter to the table and the plate is removed "are you all done here sir?"
"Yes, yes I am all through with this. I thought I was good, but I see something else I am interested in, so....you can take this one away." He pushes the plate away from him and makes his move to the land of apple pie, ice cream and macaroons, never looking back.
