The text came through while I was at my son's baseball game sitting in the blazing sun. I felt the buzz in my pocket and pulled the phone out trying to create an ounce of shade so I could read the message. It was from my old boss at the hotel I used to work and the capital letters made me dart over to a shady spot under a tree to be able to make the call.
"What is going on?" I said to her, stabbing one finger into my ear in order to hear her over the cheering of the game nearby. "Is everything ok?" Her voice was fast and upbeat, "Do you remember a guy named Luke? You met him at the hotel during a lobby shift?" I sat and thought for a minute, God there were a TON of people I had met at the hotel in my time there, but I could not remember anyones name that matched that. "You guys talked about running?"
Oh
My
God!!!
"Yes I remember him,....why?"
"Well, I ran into him tonight at work because he is staying here. I guess he stays here every Monday through Friday then goes home to Florida on the weekends."
I stopped in my tracks, I do remember talking to him. That night was like any other lobby shift night. As a sales manager we were required to stand in the lobby for 2 hours and greet guests and just chat with them, kind of like a "thanks for your business would you like to book more look how friendly we are don't you want to stay here" attempt. It mostly turned into me saying hello to guests when they came in from the night and giving directions to restaurants. I do remember Luke though. I remember him coming in from a run and we struck up a conversation about running. I told him I loved being outdoors and how I was just getting into running. He was so nice, so talkative, and good looking, and tall. BUT,...I was used to meeting good looking guys at my job and just never seeing them again. We talked for about an hour in the lobby, from everything to running and exploring Austin to my life and my son. In a short period of time we were able to have a lot of conversation. When he left, I remember looking at one of the front desk workers and saying "he was cute!!"
And that was it.
Now, fast forward 1.5 years. YES...1.5 years. I have since moved onto another hotel and yet still have a great relationship with my former boss which brings me to the day in the ballpark.
"Damn, I can't remember what he looks like, but I remember he was cute." I paused for a minute to look out at the ball field to make sure I wasn't missing anything with my son.
"Well," she added "I talked to him for quite a while tonight and he is here on business. He said he really liked that we did this lobby shift thing and that he remembered meeting someone here a while ago. He described a tall girl and right away I said your name and he said that's her!!"
My heart started to race, this stuff only happened in the movies. I already envisioned the part of Luke to be played by Ryan Gossling and the part of me to be played by....
"then I asked him if he was single" Her words stopped my daydream abruptly. "And he is.....he said that you made a really big impression on him. I have his card and he wants you to email him."
The cheering in the background for the baseball game matches my mood perfectly. I start dancing around "are you serious? Seriously?" I start envisioning some unknown to play me in the movie, but I don't think I will use a hotel, I think I will use a coffee shop instead.
"Sarah, you have to email him, he is soooo cute. And soooo nice" Her words dragged out to a sing songy extension of the letters. "And" she added, "he is moving here in a month."
I couldn't believe it.
Five minutes ago I was sitting on my single mom chair by myself at my son's baseball game eating sun chips. Now, I have all this information thrown at me and I just cannot believe it.
My friend sends me a pic of his business card. He has one of those fancy titles that I can't tell you what the hell he does but it sounds important. "He's the boss" she said. I just sat there under the tree in the 100 degree weather staring at the photo of his business card, the tree leaves rustling around me, the cheering of the parents in the background.
I could lie and say I waited until I got home to email him, but then you may have a friend that was at that game and they would say they saw me typing under the tree for a good 20 minutes. (Don't worry, when my son was playing I watched him....and you could totally hear my voice from where I stood 200 yards away.) I wrote him the email and hit send. The reply came back so quickly I felt as if he was at his computer waiting for me to contact him. Here is the actual email chain between us that first night.
Sarah Wrote:
Hi Luke,
My friend mentioned she saw you tonight in the lobby and that you remembered chatting with me. Thanks for giving her your info, would love to catch up. How long are you in town this time around?
Sarah
My friend mentioned she saw you tonight in the lobby and that you remembered chatting with me. Thanks for giving her your info, would love to catch up. How long are you in town this time around?
Sarah
Luke wrote:
Hi there!
Certainly a pleasant surprise. Made my day. I would love to catch up as well. I am in town each week from Sunday/Monday through Friday, depending on the week. On occasion I have travel to other areas, but Austin is becoming home. Within the next month or so it will be weekends too. A little anxious.
I usually work 8-6, give or take, and try to run as often as I can. Getting back into it after a break following the Austin Marathon. That's my schedule. I look forward to catching up when your schedule is suitable.
Sarah wrote:
Well, it made my day too. I remember talking to you that night in the lobby. Where are you living now? I am available Thursday evening if you are. Or, we can shoot for next week if that works better.
Post run relaxation turned into an impromptu nap. :)
Thursday evening is great. I will make a reservation (please let me know if you have any food aversions) if your time allows for dinner.
Looking forward to it. Good night.
Looking forward to it. Good night.
PS I've been watching my hockey team in the playoffs at your hotel sports bar and tomorrow is game 7 (your old boss mentioned the new hotel you are at). I'll stop by and say hi if you are still there.
***************************************************************************
I was on cloud nine. I didn't really have Thursday off but I knew I could make a switch with my ex for that day off. I got an email from him the next day with the confirmation email of where we were going to have dinner, it was a very nice and popular steak house in Austin that I had never actually eaten at. Immediately I was impressed by his polite and professional demeanor.
Now, I know that Guiness Book of World Records may say otherwise, but that Thursday turned out to be the LONGEST DAY KNOWN TO MAN. I looked at my phone about 424 times to check the time and was probably floating about 2 inches off the ground at all times.
Our plans were to meet up around 6:00 and walk over to the restaurant for dinner. I started getting ready for the date around 3:14. Mind you, I am in my office with my coworkers, and I am trying to be inconspicuous about straightening my hair at my desk. As I am walking over to where I have to meet him he calls me to say he is running late because of traffic. I make a quick decision to meet my old boss, the one that started all this, at a bar nearby for a glass of wine to calm my nerves. (Now, please let me add my boss is not OLD, so to speak, she is just my former boss. I need to make sure I add that here so she doesn't feel like I am calling her old.)
That 30 minutes I tried not to look at the door exactly 72 times. I could not remember what he looked like and I couldn't find any photos of him on Facebook or Linkedin. So, I sat there and looked nonchalant, sipping on my glass of white wine, sucking in my stomach, turning sideways to appear thinner...you know, all the good tricks.
The conversation was so exciting between me and my "former" boss that night. We built up the moment he would walk in the door with so much climax that you could have heard a pop the minute he walked in.
Then, there he was.
And yes, he was exactly as I didn't remember he was.
Tall
Suit
Hot
smile
tall
hot
hot
hot
I stood up when he walked toward me and I gave him a hug. We both looked like we wanted to hold on like we were long lost friends that hadn't seen each other in so long. He was so handsome and just UGH....PERFECT.
We decided to have one glass of wine then walk over to the restaurant. I stood next to him in my heels, all 6 feet of me and he still towered over me. We made it to the restaurant and his reservation was for the rooftop, already impressed by this evening and it hadn't even started.
Dinner was amazing. It took us two hours to order dinner because every time the server came over we were like "sorry, we haven't even looked yet." The sun started to set and I felt the moon rise over my shoulder. "So," I said "I have to say that I was a little worried you would see me and say that I was not who you were thinking about." I laughed to show I was joking but actually I was not. He smiled at me as the night wore on and said "you look great, just like I remember you."
That dinner lasted 6 hours. I remember not wanting to even go to the bathroom because I didn't want to miss any time to talk. He walked me back to my work at the end of the night and we said goodbye. No kiss, no nothing, just goodbye.
Needless to say, I was immediately hooked. We exchanged phone numbers and immediately started texting. Our second date was at Fado, an Irish Bar downtown. He met me out and prefaced the night by saying he had a rough day, needed a drink, but would not be able to stay out long. "just one or two beers then I have to head home." Our conversation flowed just as easily if not better then the first night. We laughed about the things you talk about on a first date. I asked him about moving to Austin and he mentioned he was moving to a very popular area close to the downtown area where I worked. After our two beers were done at the bar, we stood up and started to walk toward my car. That is when we caught the sound of live music playing from a bar next door, he paused and looked at me. Two guys with guitars singing and some outdoor seating....he looked at me and said "do you want to have another drink?" I smiled what I am sure was the epitome of the cheshire cat "sure, what do you want to do?" He paused and looked at his feet, then looked at me, studying my eyes, and said "well, we are out."
We sat and listened to the musicians for about an hour. We would playful touch each others legs when we talked, we would laugh and joke about stuff. We then got up and headed back in the direction of my car, and he stopped me right in front of one of the buildings downtown. "Do you hear that?" He said. I stopped and the only thing I could hear was music pumping from one of the bars we had passed. "you mean the music? That's coming from the Speakeasy over there." He looked at me with that same look that he gave me at the last bar. "Do you want to check it out? I mean, we are out...." I smiled at him again with that shit eating grin and said "well, what do you want to do? " He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me in close to him "THIS" he whispered and gave me the most amazing kiss a girl has ever felt. The kind that you aren't sure your legs will work after your lips part. The kind where parts of you tingle that you weren't sure existed. The kind where you don't want it to end but can't wait to run and tell your best friend, mom and the cashier at Target about that kiss.
I THINK we walked over to that bar.
I THINK we ended up making out at the bar for about an hour.
I am PRETTY SURE we walked back to my car holding hands and stopping to kiss about every 4 steps.
It was amazing. I fell asleep that night the epitome of happiness.
"I am going home to Pensacola this weekend." He told me at dinner one Thursday a couple of weeks later. We had been dating for about a month and he always left on Friday and returned on Monday morning. I really wanted to hang out with him on the weekends, it sucked to have to always end the night early but I understood that he was part of a triathlon training group that met every weekend and that is why he needed to return home. "he's dedicated" is all I would say when people asked me.
I started staying at his apartment a couple times a week when I did not have my son. His place was very plain and did not have any sort of decor to it. Almost like what you would expect an apartment to look like if "Apple" designed it. He had no food in the fridge, only a handful of suits still in the plastic from the dry cleaner. He was definitely not settled into his living in Austin full time, life yet. I ended up brining over a hair dryer and stored it under his bathroom sink so I could get ready in the morning at his house. We were moving closer into the dating life and were crazy about each other.
"I have to go to Europe for work for 10 days" he said to me in the second month of our dating. "Oh really?" I said, both excited for him yet bummed for me. I hated the idea of going a week not seeing him but was so happy about our relationship that I painted a smile on my face and said "that sounds amazing." He called me the night before he left for his trip to say "just wanted to hear your voice and talk to you before I left. " We talked on the phone for almost 2 hours that night. He said he would send me pics and we would be able to text. He sent me one of him in front of the Eiffel Tower and another of him in front of the Louvre. All of them attached to a "this would be much better if you were here" text. My heart was soaring.
"It's weird that he doesn't text me when he goes home. I mean, I may get one text from him in the morning then nothing till Sunday night." I was sitting with my friend Emily sharing the great stories of Luke with her. She had been along the entire journey and knew all the great stories. She had not met him yet and was dying to find out what this guy was all about. "I am sure he is just busy. You need to be busy too."
I tried to be ok with it, but my insecurities sometimes trumped the soaring heart. He was great when he was with me but why did he go into radio silence once he got back to Florida? Some people told me I was expecting too much out of a relationship that was only 3 months old, that you didn't have to talk everyday. "I know that, but we talk during the week all the time, this is just weird to go from all this talking to nothing on the weekends." I tried so hard to quiet the inner voice inside of me. And each week that I was without my son we would make plans to see one another, and those little voices would be smacked shut for another few days.
"Can I ask you a question?" I said to him one night when we were out. He was holding my hand under the table and stroking my fingers with his. He was such an affectionate person when he was with me, I loved it. Always holding my hand, always giving me kisses and rubbing my back. And I was the same with him. We were a few drinks in to our night so I knew I could ask him this. "Do you have a girlfriend in Florida, is that why you keep going back?" He looked at me and started laughing "oh my GOD, Sarah, NO!" He snickered behind his hand and took a sip of his drink. "I just wanted to ask, I mean you go home every weekend and we have never really had the discussion of being exclusive." He smiled at me as if I were smitten by me, "Oh Sarah, no I don't have a girlfriend back home. And I think its really sweet and actually completely cool that you ask" He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the lips and I gave up my fight.
Kind of.
Over the next few weeks we did our normal thing. I started to grow frustrated with his escaping to Pensacola every weekend. He seemed so eager to leave on friday mornings as I would lie on his bed snuggled under the covers while he packed for the weekend. "You look beautiful in my bed" He said to me as he leaned down to kiss me, and my heart swelled.
"Wish you were with me right now."
"only thing missing is you"
"looking forward to seeing you."
"need Sarah time"
These text messages would come at me during the weekend. I was confused as to why he would leave yet tell me he wishes he were with me when he was gone. "Then stop leaving" I sent him in a text when he said he missed me one weekend. "I know, two weeks!!" This was his magic number. He said in two weeks he would be staying here during the weekends and we would be together. I did not believe him and poked fun at how he would probably hang out in the airport all weekend even if he did stay, just looking at the planes. My patience was wearing thin on the Florida weekend escape plan and yet I held on to every shred of his attention when he would hand it out.
If I went silent in my communication, he would be sending me texts like crazy. If I texted too much, he would go into what I could only assume was a witness protection program where they would not allow cell phone usage.
It Just didn't make sense.
Dating in the year of Facebook and Instagram offers you the ability to get all the info you need. One night I went onto Facebook and looked at his profile. I was looking at the pics of his sisters and brothers so that I could get to know him better. We were not friends on Facebook yet (which was weird to me after 3 months of dating) but I just figured he was private and wasn't ready for that yet. What I could see offered a comment on one of his pics about how one of his siblings couldn't wait to see him and Lisa that weekend. The comment was old so I was not worried but I clicked on her name and looked at her photos. There were many photos of he and her that were older. They were obviously a couple at one time. My heart sank at the pics of him kissing her on the beach and standing by her side at weddings, but the pics were old so I just put my jealously aside. Right before I closed out of her page, I saw where she lived.....Pensacola Florida. My heart jumped to my throat and I tried to quiet the voices that were hitting me at every angle. But, the last post was on January 15 of him and her. Due to privacy settings, I could not see anything else but profile pictures, but it was still disheartening to find this information out.
Many many hours of talking with my friend Emily regarding this happened over the next few days. She assured me he was very into me and I just was being a little too eager this close into the relationship. She talked me off the ledge many times, I would use her words of encouragement and just drank in every moment with him that I could. I soon grew accustomed to the fact I would not see him on weekends at all and went about my life. "I feel really good about us. I am not sure why, but I feel the insecurity just melting away and I feel like we are a real couple". I typed this to Emily one evening. "Good, good. What happened?" She typed back. "I don't know, I just feel good, I feel confident."
That week I was at a client event and he messaged me that he would be at a work dinner that night but that he would love to see me. He met me out and we stayed together that night. The next morning he stared into my eyes for a long time with the sweetest look on his face. I was in love with him, and I had been since that night I met him for dinner on the rooftop. He had no idea, I was not going to tell him at all, but I was. It was everywhere in my heart. I was head over heels and I wanted to be with him!! That night we met for dinner at a sushi restaurant. "you look great" he said to me across the table. My little confidence booster went up another notch. "Thank you, so do you." I said to him. We shared another drink that night and he was showing me pictures on his phone. As he was scrolling through photos, his exe's name showed up as an incoming call. He hit cancel and went back to showing me pictures. She called again, then again. "Why is she calling?" he mumbled. I said "who is it?" He hit cancel again and said "nobody, just a coworker. " My heart started pumping so loud I was afraid he was going to hear it. "Well do you need to call her back?" He looked at the door and said "yeah I better." Moments later he came back stating everything was ok but that he had an early flight in the morning back to Pensacola and he had to get home. I gave him a half ass hug and got into my car and left.
What happened next floored me. I don't know why I did it but something just told me to do it. I decided to look her up on Facebook, and it was like someone slapped me upside the head with a baseball hat. There was a picture of her and Luke arm and arm at a wedding, posted just 5 days ago. The comments "what a nice couple" "love seeing you guys." I could barely read them because of the tears coming out of my eyes. My hands were shaking and my heart felt each breaking moment like a glass jar thrown from the empire state building. A text came through at that moment from him "sorry we couldn't stay together tonight. Loved seeing you." I stared at the text and simply took a screen shot of her profile picture and sent it as my reply.
This is what I wrote with the photo "interesting you think that little of me. All makes sense now you rushing back to Pensacola every weekend. I honestly thought you were a good hearted guy, you have proved me wrong." He has never replied.
Oh, the pain my heart has felt in the past five days. My mind is like a cloud heavy with emotional rain ready to flow at any moment. I am sad, angry, hurt, confused, but most of all, just so sad that I was wrong about him. I really really thought this was it. I thought I could cash in my single card and finally be with someone that was so amazing, someone that fit what I was looking for in a partner. And I was wrong.
Now, I am back to the beginning. Back to the part that says "start here" and I don't want to do it. I had what I thought was the guy. He found me, he sought me out and asked me out. According to everyone else, that is how it is supposed to happen, when you aren't looking. For the first time, I believed their stupid story and I believed in him.
Guess I was wrong.
