When I was a kid, I used to read the Ramona Quimby books. They had a cat named Picky Picky....this cat didn't like anything unless it found it on it's own, then it would be interested. The minute anyone became interested in what the cat found, the cat would lose interest and walk away.
That cat and I have a lot in common.
I have a lot of things that I feel picky about when it comes to dating a guy. Take for instance height...I just cannot phathom going out with a guy that is shorter than me. I dated a guy one time that was shorter than me, and I when I went over to his house, all his dishes were on the bottom shelf. I was like "did you know that you have all this room up here?" He just looked at me like I had discovered the bermuda triangle..."really? I never realized that before." I walked into his closet and it was like entering my son's closet. All the clothes were on the bottom row...followed by tiny shoes. "why do you hang up your shorts?" I asked him. "those are my pants." he said matter of factly. I looked around his house and wondered how he changed the light bulbs when they went out. We made our way to his bedroom which had a toddler bed in the corner and imagined holidays where I would have to decorate the top of the christmas tree. "honey, hand me the star, I got it."
Yeah, not for me.
Then, there is the status of certain guys you date. Does he have kids, does he not have kids, has he ever been married? Has he ever been engaged? These guys should come equipped with a scarlet letter on their hearts for girls to proceed with caution. Here are some of the questions that come to mind on the following topics...
If he has been married?
why did it end?
He is probably a jerk
He probably played wii too much or thought Halo was a form of house work
Did he not put the toilet seat down?
Did he even know where the vaccum cleaner was kept?
Would I have to deal with a nasty ex wife that was clinging to any shred of marrital existance?
If he hasn't been married..
why not?
How can you be this age and never been married?
Is he afraid of commitment?
Will no woman marry him for any reason?
Is he a confirmed bachelor?
Is his idea of romance taking you to McDonalds and asking you to order whatever you want?
Does he have an overzellous mother that continues to wash his clothes and clean up after him so he doesn't need a wife?
If he has kids:
How many?
How old?
THAT MANY???
From the same woman?
How much does he pay in child support?
How often does he have them?
Wow, how come he doesn't have them that often?
Wow, how come he has them THAT often?
If he doesn't have kids:
Will he know how to deal with my kid?
Will he bring my son a barbie and figure it's a toy, so it will do?
Will he call my son names like "champ" or "buddy"
Will he have any idea how to talk to my kid?
Yes, there are all sorts of things that go through my mind when I go out on a first date with a guy.
First, I hate the expression "LOL". It reminds me of a 14 year old girl texting to her girlfriend on a wednesday night during gossip girl. If he texts that to me, it is a bit of a deal breaker.
Second: I pay close attention to how a guy talks to me. If he is loud, obnoxious or is "loud cell phone talker" I am not impressed. If he makes remarks about my body or refers to my appendages as "rack" or "Knockers" I am going to have to fake a bad signal and hang up on him. If he uses the "f" word more than four times in the first two sentences of talking to me...then I have a problem with that. I talked on the phone to one guy that was a doctor. I make it a point to always speak to someone on the phone first to make sure they do not speak in tongues, or use phrases like "dude" when they talk to me. This guy was so high strung that I set the phone down and went to the restroom and came back..he was still talking. He was so upset about some girl he worked with that he affectionately referred to as the "c" word. I was able to save myself two hours of listening to Dr. "do you mind tatoos because maybe I will wear a tank top to our date". It was well worth the phone call.
third: When a guy shows up for a first date, I like to watch the way he looks around the room. If he is looking at other girls or can't look me in the eye, I have a feeling he is socially awkward. He needs to go back to his world of dungeons and dragons and rethink being out in public.
fourth: A big thing I look at is if we are out on a date, and how the guy treats the waitstaff. If he calls them by any of the following, buddy, pal, dude or sweetie, I pull my running shoes out of my purse and head out the front door. He is also frowned upon if he gets frustrated by slow service or taps his glass on the bar. I know these people are somewhere spitting in his drink.
fifth: His clothes. I am not too picky about what a guy looks like. Facial hair, no facial hair, tattoos, no tattoos...I could care less. But if a guy looks like he just got done shooting hoops at the "y" or is wearing anything he refers to as his "jammies" I descreately delete his name from my contact list. If he is wearing a beret...if he is wearing a baseball cap or a fidora on our first date....if he is not wearing socks with his dress shoes, if his jeans are stonewashed, if his t-shirt has a picture of a stripper on the front and says "I support single mom's" if he is wearing anything from the twilight saga or brought a skateboard as a method of transportation...DELETE
sixth: His body language. He should be confident but not arrogant. He could touch my leg while we speak, but not be staring at my chest while I talk about my years in Catholic Grade school.
Yes, maybe I am too picky,...but I feel like dating a guy is like ordering from a menu at a restaurant. You know what you want and you know what you don't want. There are so many elements of dating when you are second time single that make you think "do I want to date a guy that has any of the qualities of my ex?" If he starts to talk about his love for bmw's or his facination with how often I change my air filter, I need to reconsider my choices. Maybe that cat was picky, but at least it new what it wanted.
I will find him, and when I do....
